God’s Kindness has Led me to Repentance: by Paul Tunbridge

“…Do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” (Romans 2:4)

I was met at a private club in Pall Mall by Louis Christaduluo on February 5th, 1988 at 3 pm. When I went to church, I was blown away by the committment I saw; everyone was a Bible student taking notes. The fellowship was electric; everyone knew each other. The call to discipleship was completely unsentimental, radical and so compelling; it was a sold-out-to-Jesus church. I was baptised on the 5th of June, the same year & I became like a concorde going after evangelism with all my heart. I was involved in a dozen baptisms per year for my first eight years as a Christian. On June 10th, 1995 I married the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I fell so deeply in love with her for so many reasons, such as her incredible spirituality & love for the lost. It was the best decision I ever made, apart of my baptism. She has been the wind under my wings, my best friend, my lover & spiritual partner. She has stood by me through all my struggles & sins. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Together we have raised up our beautiful daughter Gimma who has been an incredible joy in our lives. God has blessed me & kept blessing me, showing me His kindness to bring me to repentance.

Deep in my heart I’ve known for the past eight years that I was no longer a disciple. I’ve not been fruitful in my love for the lost for about 8 years. I’ve been enslaved by impurity. I’ve not loved my dear wife, taking care of her needs or leading her spiritually. Though I love my daughter with all my heart, I’ve not been a good enough father. Though my dear friends Peter Williams & Iyobo have tried to disciple me over the past 4 years, it has not been a fruitful endeavour for them, because of my hardness of heart & sentimentality. I can’t blame anyone at all for my spiritual condition except myself.

Over the past week I’ve met Tim Kernan several times & I have admitted my spiritual condition for the first time. I’m terrified of the consequences of my convictions. I am afraid for my marriage, my friendships with people I have loved for more than 20 years and everything I have. I am afraid of being mocked and cut off. However, I clearly see that I need to be restored into a fully committed church that is calling people to be disciples. My primary loyalty needs to be to God, it was into discipleship to Jesus Christ that I was baptised and I need to be loyal to Christ and not an institution of men. When I saw the London International Christian Church led by Tim & Lianne Kernan I saw the closeness of the disciples, their love, their maturity beyond their years & their desire to see me restored to God.

I want to put into writing here that I am not rejecting or abandoning anyone. Instead I am prayerfully, for the first time in a long time, providing an example to my family and beloved friends. In our dismantled fellowship that was once called the ICOC, we have talked too long about “turning the corner” and “moving on”, but we have not returned to fully committed discipleship. That might sting for some; however, I say it without any hint of mockery or disrespect. If we want to move on, we need to set out with a committed few and multiply them as Christ did. That means all in the former ICOC have a baptism of humility to undergo, as we all join our courageous brothers and sisters in God’s new movement. I am not a leader like Mike Desouza, John Partington, Charles Elakue, Malcom Cox or Adrian Hill. However, I think we all know that things have gone badly astray and the time for half measures is over.

I want to be a man who loves deeply his wife & fulfills every need of her. I want to be the first totally sold out disciple & I want to be my daughter’s hero again. I want her to see me following the decisions I made and suffer for them. I have been wounded by my sins and I have wounded my family by my sins. The salt that is now pouring over us is causing us a lot of pain as our wounds heal. I pray that everyone will be respectful, spiritual & loving to us in this time of pain.

Love,

Paul Tunbridge